Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
