you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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