There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my poor anus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
