She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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