O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
