I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Say something about gay babies.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
