we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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