took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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