he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
