It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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