2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
