I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
