Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
