Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
