just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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