Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
