youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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