you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
