Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
