white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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