My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
did i just pee glitter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
