I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
God I need to hump something, right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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