there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
