Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
