Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
