new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
