I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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