I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
