I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
