oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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