did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
