Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
