you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
