just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
