My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
