You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were destined to go to rehab together
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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