you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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