this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
