I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
