I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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