Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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