you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
