I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
