This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
