What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
