im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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