i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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