Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
