If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
