Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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